"Feels republican" Having a boyfriend should now be embarrassing

A boyfriend used to be a status symbol, today it is almost a stigma: according to British "Vogue", many women prefer not to show their relationships in public - not out of shame, but because independence and satisfaction have long been more important than the label "taken".

Last weekend, British "Vogue" published an article entitled "Is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend now?".

In it, columnist Chante Joseph writes that many women are currently avoiding showing their relationship openly on social media. It used to be common for female online identities to revolve heavily around their partners - women were considered more successful if they "had a man".

Today, the trend is reversed: women only show subtle hints of their relationship: a hand, a shadow or a blurred face. At the same time, women want to benefit from the social recognition of a partnership, but don't want to appear "boyfriend-obsessed" or stuffy.

"They want the benefits and recognition of a partnership, but at the same time understand that it's normal," explains Zoé Samudzi, author and activist for Vogue. It's not just about image. As the "Vogue" columnist reports, many women tell her that they deliberately refrain from posting their partner.

Some fear the so-called "evil eye" - the idea that happiness could arouse envy and break up a relationship. Others are simply afraid that it will be over at some point - and they will then be confronted with all the old posts.

"Being in a relationship is no longer considered an achievement"

Whether single or in a relationship, it seems that being with a man is almost embarrassing. This is also discussed in the podcast "The Delusional Diaries".

"Why does it feel like it's Republican to have a boyfriend?" is one top comment with around 12,000 likes. "Boyfriends are out. They will only come back into fashion when they finally behave properly," reads another comment with 10,000 likes.

Both presenters of the podcast are in a relationship. According to Vogue, however, this is a pattern that occurs frequently: women in relationships also complain about men and heterosexuality - out of solidarity with other women, but also because it is now considered less cool to play the classic "boyfriend girl".

The columnist concludes: "Being in a relationship no longer confirms your femininity. It's no longer considered an achievement - on the contrary, it's almost a statement to call yourself single."

Studies confirm: single women are happier

So: Treadwives are out - singles are the trend. Friendships, careers and self-fulfilment are enough for many women today - romantic relationships are no longer necessarily the focal point, at most perhaps a nice add-on.

Studies also show that single women are happier - at least compared to single men. A study by the University of Toronto showed that women were more likely to be satisfied with their current relationship status, were less likely to be looking for a partner and were generally more relaxed about their lives.

The authors of the study, Elaine Hoan and Geoff MacDonald, suspect that one reason for the results is that women have more relationships beyond those of a romantic nature, for example with friends and family.

In heterosexual relationships they often do more than half of the housework and work at the same time - while men give up some of the housework and benefit from a second income. They suspect: "Men would gain more from a partnership than single women."

Women take on care work and emotional labor

Emily Grundy from the University of Essex also confirms that women are more socially embedded and therefore suffer less from being alone, as theFrankfurter Rundschauwrites.

According to a study by data analyst Mintel, they are therefore less likely to actively look for partners - and are more satisfied with their single life. Grundy confirms that there are signs that women are not only taking on the majority of housework and care work, but are also doing more emotional work.

At the same time, the image persists in society that a woman must find happiness in love, but researchers such as Kinneret Lahad show that this narrative is changing: Selectivity used to be seen as a virtue, but today it is often problematized. Happiness expert Paul Dolan from the London School of Economics goes even further - according to his research, single, childless women are the happiest.

While men benefit in terms of health when they are married, married women are more often at higher risk of mental and physical stress. Children can bring joy, says Dolan, but they are also a considerable source of stress - something that is too rarely talked about. His conclusion: traditional symbols of success such as marriage and family no longer guarantee happiness.

"Having a boyfriend is not embarrassing"

The topic is also making waves on social media - at least since Vogue wrote about it. One TikTok user explains: "An article like this is bound to cause a lot of backlash. But at its core, it's actually a sociological and anthropological observation that deserves to be in some kind of 'hall of fame'."

The text deals with a topic that many people talk about - but from an unusual perspective: "Instead of focusing on loneliness or being single, it looks at people who are in a relationship," the TikTok user continues.

Under the TikTok video, one user comments: "These 'rage bait' or 'cope' articles only help to further fuel animosity between men and women and convince people to be lonely. Many believe that excessive independence is a sign of anti-institutionalism - when in fact it is a cornerstone of capitalism."

Another user comments: "I think many are missing the real point: it's not about not having a friend, it's about not revolving your life around a friend - but around yourself and your own goals. The boyfriend is no longer the central goal or the 'success' he used to be."

One user counters: "Don't let people on the internet tell you it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend. It's embarrassing to date a loser."

In her opinion, it is by no means uncool to have a partner - as long as they really help you move forward. A boyfriend is a positive thing if he "improves your life", treats you well and makes a visible effort to make your partner feel good.

According to the TikTok user, the real reason why some women don't make their relationship public lies elsewhere: not because it's "cool" to appear single, but because the boyfriend is simply not an asset.