Column Why I want to be a drama queen
The blue News columnist once again realized that if a woman fights back and doesn't put up with everything, she is quickly considered difficult. A tool of the patriarchy that no longer wants to tolerate her.
No time? blue News summarizes for you
- "Resistance to inappropriate male behavior has been ridiculed for as long as she can remember," writes Michelle de Oliveira in her column.
- Although privileges are increasingly being made visible and questioned today, men are still seen as authorities while women are denigrated.
- The blue News columnist no longer wants to put up with this: "I give them the middle finger when a man drives past me honking his horn while I'm jogging."
- And de Oliveira immediately and loudly objects when someone makes misogynistic comments that "are only meant to be funny".
A friend recently sent me a message. It was about a man who had cheekily fobbed her off, even though he had been looking forward to the meeting the day before. In the 24 hours, however, he had probably met another woman.
The situation was a bit more complex than that, but that's not the point. What I'm getting at is a small subordinate clause in my friend's message:
"I'm really not a drama person, but I had to tell him that I have some question marks in my head."
"I'm really not a drama person"
"I'm really not a drama person." - It's this half-sentence that got me thinking and then made me very, very angry. Not at my girlfriend, of course, but once again at the damn patriarchy.
About the person: Michelle de Oliveira
Michelle de Oliveira is a journalist, yogini, mother and always in search of balance - and not just on the yoga mat. She also has a soft spot for all things spiritual. In her column, she reports on her experiences with the incomprehensible, but also from her very real life with all its joys and challenges. She lives with her family in Portugal.
When I heard that sentence, I realized how deeply ingrained the attitude is in us women that we shouldn't make a fuss. And if we do dare to do so, we immediately put it into perspective: "I don't want to make a fuss, but ..."
Almost always, when we stand up for ourselves, we feel ashamed afterwards and find that we have overreacted.
I also learned early on that it goes down well with men if you remain easy, understanding and cool when they misbehave.
That it's nice if you're not a "Lätsch-Geiss", as women who didn't put up with everything were often called in my youth. That I shouldn't be squeamish. Not hysterical, as women used to be diagnosed.
Hysteria as a label for every behavior and every feeling of women who didn't fit into the male norm.
Anyone who didn't laugh was a party pooper
Resistance to inappropriate male behavior has been ridiculed for as long as I can remember. Anyone who stood up and didn't laugh when sexist remarks were made at the expense of a woman in particular or the female sex in general was a buzzkill.
We accepted it and perhaps even nodded when someone said: "She's on her period" because a woman was defending herself against an injustice. Anyone who put up with a lot - far too much - was considered cool. In doing so, we normalized contemptuous behaviour and unintentionally reinforced it. We had learned no other way.
It is incredibly practical to keep us women down in this way by men - and please don't tell me "not all men", I can't hear it anymore - devaluing women who resist this behavior.
I give men the middle finger directly
The fact is, however, that this endurance and the unconditional will not to be seen as bitchy extends much further. That the same mechanism kicks in for us women when we are victims of sexual assault:
He probably didn't mean it that way, it's not that bad, I probably sent the wrong signals.
Because we have never learned that it is right and necessary to respect our boundaries and make them known, we blame ourselves and, in the worst case, tolerate drastic assaults. Because we just don't want to make a fuss.
So if being a drama queen means setting clear boundaries and no longer tolerating inappropriate behavior, then, yes, I don't want to be anything other than a drama queen in my life. I give the middle finger straight away when a man drives past me honking his horn when I'm jogging.
I speak up immediately if a colleague makes inappropriate comments about my clothes or my body. I object loudly when someone makes misogynistic comments that are "only meant to be funny".
I no longer think, they're just like that, nothing happened
I'd rather be a drama queen than a woman who keeps quiet so that men can have their peace. And I take inspiration from the recently deceased behavioral scientist Jane Goodall, who once said: "It doesn't actually take much to be considered a difficult woman, which is why there are so many of us."