Column Why I want to stop judging my body and others all the time
Time and again, the columnist comes into contact with "body shaming" - the judgmental commentary on bodies. And she does it herself, with herself and with other people. Now she wants to change that.
No time? blue News summarizes for you
- How can you accept yourself in a world where even perfect bodies don't seem good enough?
- Unpleasant comments from a long-time friend on the beach prompted blue News columnist Michelle de Oliveira to think about body shaming once again.
- Find out here why you should leave other people's bodies uncommented on - and what you can do about it if you are the victim of body shaming yourself.
We were at the beach the other day, swimming in the sea and practising cartwheels, handstands and somersaults in the sand. That makes you hungry, so we had a snack.
And while my son was munching away contentedly, a friend said to him: "Don't eat too much or you'll get fat." I was startled and at the same time not surprised.
Because this friend, in her late 70s, is known for comments like that. In my head, I call her the "Queen of Bodyshaming". In other words, the queen of unsolicited and not necessarily nice comments about other bodies.
Bodyshaming starts with well-meaning comments
At a party, one of the legs of a very old chair broke when my friend sat on it. The comment came promptly: "You used to be so thin, and now the chair is collapsing under you."
Of course, she is an extreme example. But her recent comments have made me think about body shaming again.
About the person: Michelle de Oliveira
Michelle de Oliveira is a journalist, yogini, mother and always in search of balance - and not just on the yoga mat. She also has a soft spot for all things spiritual. In her column, she reports on her experiences with the incomprehensible, but also from her very real life with all its joys and challenges. She lives with her family in Portugal.
It is omnipresent and sometimes barely recognizable, partly because it is often so subtle. For example, when it is meant in a nice way.
For example: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight, you look great." A compliment at first glance.
But it also resonates with the statement: "Before, with more weight, you didn't look so great."
Or to say to someone who may objectively conform to the current ideal of beauty: "Well, you really can't complain." What do we know about what the person looks like on the inside? What problems and doubts are they struggling with?
People judge and condemn themselves far too often
But body shaming doesn't just happen to others. It runs deep and many people judge and, above all, condemn themselves far too often. I'm one of them.
How often do I look at myself scrutinizingly in the mirror and not think: So cool that I have a healthy, strong and resilient body. But rather: Wow, it's already quite firm, I should do more sport. Maybe lose a kilo or two. And the wrinkles, my goodness, the wrinkles!
We have been conditioned to constantly evaluate ourselves and others. It happens in fractions of a second and often unconsciously.
The idea that only a slim, toned and wrinkle-free body is a good body has become ingrained in us and is fed and kept alive by advertising, unrealistic images on social media and offers for weight loss products.
Instagram shows us what we are supposed to look like
Every poster, every commercial, every Instagram profile shows us what we are supposed to look like. Suddenly our stomach is not just a stomach, but a "problem area", our legs are not just legs, but "too fat" or "too thin", our face is not an expression of how we feel, but of how "well" or "badly" we are ageing.
And no, you don't necessarily have to find yourself beautiful every day and every moment. After all, "body positivity" can also exert pressure and still places the focus on appearance.
The aim could be to create a neutral, or at least more neutral, relationship with our bodies. In other words, to stop paying so much attention to our physical, external appearance - both positive and negative. In other words, more "body neutrality" instead of "body shaming".
Your friend will continue to make inappropriate comments. Convincing her otherwise is hopeless and a battle I will spare myself.
Instead, I have resolved to be more neutral towards my body and to ignore the commenting voice more often until it is perhaps very quiet at some point or, in the best case scenario, falls silent completely. And I want to be a role model for my children by leaving my body and other people's bodies uncommented on.