"If we need sh***** and it's not too far away, we'll take it"

No time? blue News summarizes for you

• On the "Daily Show," Jon Stewart sheds light on the U.S. operation against Venezuela.
• "We're not out for regime change": how Trump used to talk about such operations.
• "Trump marketing": the "Donroe Doctrine".
• "Will pull a tremendous amount of wealth out of the ground": how openly Trump talks about his motives.

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"Ladies and gentlemen, this weekend President Trump and an elite team of Delta Force soldiers deposed a dangerous foreign dictator," Jon Stewart opens his monologue on the "Daily Show".

"Not this one," he adds to this image.

From left: Saudi Arabia's Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, Donald Trump and Jon Stewart.

YouTube/Tne Daily Show

"They are actually friends. And quite honestly, I think they're business partners too." And the next photo follows.

Trump with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

YouTube/Tne Daily Show

"No, no, not that one," Stewart rows back. "They are also quite close."

Trump with North Korea's ruler Kim Jong-un.

YouTube/Tne Daily Show

"Okay," Stewart takes a breath, "I think those two have more of a heated rivalry vibe, if you know what I mean."

What do I care about my gossip from yesterday?

We're talking, of course, about Nicolas Maduro, whose "a cappella terror" - see post below - would have met its end on Jan. 3 in an operation in Caracas - "Venezuela's only city, from what we know," Stewart jokes, referring to America's knowledge of geography.

"And while the operation was going on, Donald Trump was overseeing everything from a secure location: the situation tent at Mar-a-Lago," the New Yorker continues, blaspheming "I don't want to be an A**** or a bean counter, but is that the safest place at Mar-a-Lago? Behind the curtain you put up in front of the catering kitchen?"

Situation room was yesterday: Trump in the "situation room" at his luxury Mar-a-Lago club in Flordia.

YouTube/Tne Daily Show

Stewart reminded his audience that the president had also convinced his supporters in terms of foreign policy that "you don't go along with sh***** like that anymore": "We're not out for war," says Trump in the following excerpt from an earlier appearance. "We're not out to build states. We're not out to change regimes." And: "We don't want to be the world's policeman."

The "Donroe Doctrine"

"We don't!" Stewart mimics the 79-year-old. "Those days are over now! No more ground troops!" Only for Trump to say in the next topical clip: "We're not afraid of ground troops." "No more building the infrastructure of other countries," Stewart then crows again." Followed by Trump saying, "We have to rebuild [Venezuela's] entire infrastructure."

The late-night host looks playfully irritated at the camera: "Well, but isn't it true that we're running another country?" "We're going to lead the country," Tump says in the next establishing shot. Stewart like this:

No words.

YouTube/Tne Daily Show

The infamous "Trump marketing", as Stewart puts it, is a must at such a moment. For the President, it sounds like this: "The Monroe Doctrine is a great thing, but we've replaced it by leaps and bounds - by real leaps and bounds. It's now called the 'Donroe Doctrine'." "It's obviously a play on words of 'Monroe' and 'Donald,'" Stewart said, whispering to Trump, "Honestly: not your best work."

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Late Night USA - Understanding America

50 states, 330 million people and even more opinions: How are you supposed to "understand America"? If you want to keep an overview without running aground, you need a beacon. The late-night stars offer one of the best navigational aids: They are the perfect pilots, relentlessly naming the shoals of the country and its people, and serve our author Philipp Dahm as a comic compass for the state of the American soul.

Oil, oil, oil

When the USA attacks, it always puts forward noble reasons, it continues - such as "spreading democracy or bringing baseball to the Japanese". So what moral motives are there? Trump answers in the clip: "We're going to be in Venezuela for the oil." And: "We're going to keep the oil flowing the way it should."

"That seems a little too obvious," complains the late-night host: isn't there a more noble excuse? Interlude Trump: "We're going to pull a tremendous amount of wealth out of the ground." And: "We need total access. We need access to oil." And, "In other words, we're going to sell oil."

Stewart despairs. Can Republican Senator Lindsey Graham save him? No way:

But fugitives could be returned and political prisoners released, right? Trump. "What we want to do now is get the oil and the country up and running."

Oil giants informed "before and after"

Stewart summarizes, "We're getting people out of jail, but first we have to get the oil out of its ground prison. The oil has been locked up for millions of years and longs to burn free."

Trump has not informed the Democrats about the upcoming Venezuela operation: "You could say this is in the interest of national security and operational confidentiality," says Stewart, "if it weren't for this one group he's been talking to." Because: Trump consulted with the US oil companies "before and after" the operation.

The operation will not remain an isolated case: Trump is also threatening Colombia, Mexico, Cuba and Greenland. "If we need sh***** and it's not too far away, we'll take it," says Stewart, describing the new US motto - and branding the "gulf between the lofty goals that embody the founding of this country and the criminal gangsterism that this team thinks will make us great again".