Lonelier and lonelier "Mankeeping" - how male loneliness can put a strain on relationships

A new term is doing the rounds: "Mankeeping". It describes the emotional care that women often provide for men. But what's behind it?

Cleaning, tidying, keeping an overview - when it comes to housekeeping, we know how much work is behind a well-organized daily routine. But what if this invisible care is increasingly shifting to the emotional world of men?

The term "Mankeeping" was coined by the scientists Angelica Ferrara, PhD student at Stanford University, and Dylan Vergara, research assistant, and was first published in the journal "Psychology of Men & Masculinity".

Mankeeping" refers to the emotional work that women take on in heterosexual relationships. For example, remembering birthdays, coordinating meetings with mutual friends, listening, asking questions and providing support. It means being the central support system for the partner. Managing his stress, interpreting his mood and guiding him through feelings he doesn't share with anyone else.

Men's circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller

The researchers from Stanford, who coined the term, believe that this is due to the so-called "male loneliness epidemic". The term describes the increasing isolation and loneliness of men in today's society.

As men's circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller, their partners have to take on more and more of the things that are actually done by friends or colleagues.

In a 2021 US survey, 15 percent of men said they had no close friends, up from 3 percent in 1990. In 1990, just under half of young men said they would turn to friends for personal problems; three decades later, just over 20 percent said the same.

Ferrara tells TheNew York Times(NYT) that "women tend to go to all these support hubs that they went to when they had problems, whereas men tend to go to just themselves."

More and more women no longer want a relationship

The term "mankeeping" is derived from the concept of "kinkeeping". A "kinkeeper" is a person who cultivates a sense of family solidarity and connection, explains Carolyn Rosenthal, professor of sociology at McMaster University in Canada, to the NYT. She studied this topic in the 1980s. In many ways, such people act as the "glue" of the family.

Women are particularly affected, as they do the emotional work of maintaining cohesion and connection in the family. Things like planning a family get-together, helping everyone stay in touch, reminding men of birthdays and buying gifts on their behalf - tasks that were typically done by wives and mothers and still are in many places today.

"Mankeeping" is also said to lead to more and more women wanting to stay single, as several US media outlets have reported. According to a study from the USA, only 38% of single women are on the dating market, compared to 61% of men.

It is difficult to say what the situation is like in Switzerland. No precise figures, studies or surveys are kept on the subject.