Be careful with tindering Online dating can lead to a kind of burnout
When you swipe on your smartphone, you always hope to meet the most amazing person. This can also have negative consequences.
Image: dpa (Illustration)
Online dating makes it easier for many people to meet people outside their own milieu.
Image: dpa (Illustration)
Millions of people are trying to find love through online dating.
Image: dpa (Illustration)
The market for dating apps is booming. Between Bumble, Tinder, Parship and more, the choice is not always easy. (Illustration)
Image: dpa
When you swipe on your smartphone, you always hope to meet the most amazing person. This can also have negative consequences.
Image: dpa (Illustration)
Online dating makes it easier for many people to meet people outside their own milieu.
Image: dpa (Illustration)
Millions of people are trying to find love through online dating.
Image: dpa (Illustration)
The market for dating apps is booming. Between Bumble, Tinder, Parship and more, the choice is not always easy. (Illustration)
Image: dpa
Love with just a few clicks? That's probably what many young people expect from online dating. In the long term, it could also have an impact on committed relationships.
03.09.2024, 22:44
09.09.2024, 09:24
dpa
No time? blue News summarizes for you
- Manipulated photos, age tricks and, last but not least, the oversupply of online dating can lead to a kind of burn-out, warns couples therapist Wera Aretz.
- Persistent stress and frustration in online dating can lead to the psychosomatic syndrome, she writes in the "Journal of Business and Media Psychology".
- This manifests itself in emotional exhaustion, cynicism and reduced performance.
The smartphone is in one hand, the other opens the app. The gaze falls on a stranger's face. Only a few seconds pass before the decision is made: Do I like this person - or not? Then it's click after click.
Online dating is by no means a new phenomenon. In our northern neighbor alone, 20 million people have already used Tinder, Parship, Bumble and the like, according to a survey conducted by the IT industry association Bitkom in 2022. According to the survey, around 60 percent of them have already found one or more steady relationships via online dating.
Insecurity among young people
However, young people in particular often feel insecure about the many options when looking for a partner. This was the finding of a study from India, which was recently presented at a conference in Prague. More than half of the participants, mostly aged between 18 and 30, stated that they were confused when looking for a partner - women more often than men.
According to the researchers, the reasons could be edited photos and the multitude of options on the internet. Being confronted with manipulated images on a daily basis increases many people's expectations of potential partners. Added to this is the mass of potential partners on dating apps and social media, reports the team led by Chayan Munshi from the Ethophilia Research Foundation in Santiniketan. According to the study, young people are also often bombarded with sexually stimulating content on social media. This also shifts the reality and expectations of potential partners.
Dating burnout
Wera Aretz, couples therapist and psychologist at Fresenius University of Applied Sciences in Cologne, is now warning of dating burnout. Persistent stress and frustration during online dating could lead to this psychosomatic syndrome, she writes in the "Journal of Business and Media Psychology". Although dating burnout is not an illness in its own right, it manifests itself in emotional exhaustion, cynicism and reduced performance, among other things. An estimated 14 percent of dating platform users are affected.
Risk factors include the monotony of repeatedly swiping across the screen to meet someone interesting. Some people would read profiles for hours, write the same messages and end up without a date. Ghosting, i.e. suddenly being ignored or blocked, also poses a risk of dating burnout. Ghosting can happen to anyone - when texting or after a date. According to the study, those who already have low self-esteem or fear of commitment are particularly susceptible to dating burnout.
The whole thing isn't fair anyway: "Online dating isn't fair at all," says Johanna Degen, social psychologist and couples therapist in Flensburg. "Online dating is super sexist and discriminatory. You hardly ever see people with disabilities on dating apps."
Cheating, lying and optimizing
Perhaps this is precisely why people want to present their best side and stand out from others, says Degen. However, she warns: "The more I optimize my profile, the more stress I have because I'm confronted with this perfect version of myself as my identity and then also with the disappointment of the other person on the date."
Couples therapist Aretz is also familiar with this self-optimization from her clients. Men cheat on their height, while women make themselves look younger on their profiles. People also cheat when it comes to their level of education, and the fact that the other person is really single can also be a lie.
Running multiple tracks
And this is apparently not uncommon. The researchers from India found that even some people who are already in a steady relationship use dating platforms. However, Aretz says that dating despite being in a relationship is not always a bad thing. Under certain circumstances, such as an open relationship, online dating can also be a positive thing. Or if you want to explore your sexuality together as a couple with a third person. But: "If you assume that one partner doesn't know that the other partner is online dating, it can of course cause a lot of irritation," says the psychologist.
The worldwide choice
Aretz sees a general advantage of virtual dating in the fact that you can meet potential partners even over long distances. Online dating means that there are more couples with different cultural backgrounds. Social classes also play a smaller role. "The biggest opportunity is that we can get in touch with an almost unbelievably large number of people in a very convenient and playful way that we wouldn't be able to contact on the way to university, to work or in the supermarket. And that includes people from different socio-cultural backgrounds," says the psychologist. "I can get to know people in India, Turkey, Greece - all over the world - at the click of a button."
And even if it is a persistent prejudice, people are not just looking for one-off sexual encounters - one-night stands - on dating apps. The Bitkom survey revealed that only six percent of users have sex as their goal. 71 percent are looking for a permanent relationship.
How do you date successfully?
Some couples therapists recommend paid apps to find your better half - those who pay are more serious. According to Aretz, however, it is sometimes better for young people to use free sites such as Tinder or Okcupid because the target group there is younger.
Of course, everyone is different and has individual wishes for a partner. It is important not to pretend and, for example, only select the best pictures of yourself and list your best qualities, says Aretz. You only have to please the people you are interested in. To find the right person, you have to weed out everyone else with the help of your own honesty: "To find the needle in the haystack, you have to burn the haystack."