"The best option, but not the best" Abandoned, but not forgotten: What it's like to grow up in a children's home

Children's homes in Switzerland have a complicated past. Even today, there are still many stigmas. But what is it really like to grow up in a home? blue News was there.

The boy with the big round glasses gets up from the floor. He appears to be no older than three. He holds on to the wall, waits briefly until he is stable and then takes two steps. "Wow, you can walk again?" says a delighted Oswald Grünenfelder. When the boy came to Inselhof eight weeks ago, this was not possible. His motor development was limited.

Oswald Grünenfelder is the area manager at the Inselhof children's home and has been working here for 20 years. He has a calm manner. When he sees the children, he blossoms.

The boy sits down on the floor again. Colorful children's drawings and photos hang on the walls. Photos of mom, dad and the caregivers who work at the Inselhof children's home in Zurich. This is where the boy with the big round glasses is currently living.

Confronted with many stigmas

Children's homes in Switzerland do not have an easy reputation due to their history of coercive measures and allegations of abuse. Even today, they still face stigma.

"One person asked me where the dining room was and where the dormitory was," says Grünenfelder. "I have the feeling that society today still has an outdated and false image of a children's home or what it actually is," he continues.

But there hasn't been a dining room or dormitory here for a long time. The 32 children are aged between zero and nine and live in four residential groups, each with eight children. These residential groups look like normal apartments. A large kitchen, three bathrooms, several bedrooms, a play area and a large living room with a TV. "Where possible, the children's room is furnished together with the parents, just as the child wants it." There are toys and children's books everywhere.

The KESB is always involved

The children are here for various reasons. "There's nothing that doesn't exist," says Grünenfelder. Or they are overburdened in their upbringing.

For every child who lives here, the Child and Adult Protection Authority (KESB) has come to the conclusion that the child's welfare is at risk, which is why a legal order for residential care has been issued. It is important to be in close contact with the authorities in order to ensure high quality. During the additional supervisory visits, discussions are also held with the children.

Inselhof as an institution has been around for over 100 years. It was founded by four Zurich society women. Back then, it was a home for "fallen girls". Unmarried and single women who became pregnant. "The Inselhof was a place of refuge for them," explains Grünenfelder. Even today, the Inselhof still has a separate mother and child area with many different activities. The Inselhof also offers outreach family counseling.

The work at the Inselhof children's home is done with a lot of passion. "At the same time, we are also very humble and always say that we are an emergency solution." Grünenfelder goes on to emphasize: "At the moment, when a child is placed with us, we are the best option, but certainly not the best." The perfect place for any child would be a functioning family.

A fairly normal everyday life

Some children have lived at the Inselhof for several years. Others only come here for a few days in absolute crisis situations. Either way, according to Grünenfelder, the children need a structured and secure daily routine. "It's actually just like in a family," he says. They get up together in the morning, eat breakfast together and then the older children go to school or nursery.

Even now, there are hardly any children here, just the youngest. There is no internal school. "The older ones go to public schools and kindergartens in the surrounding area," says Grünenfelder. School time should be carefree.

The children can also invite friends over at any time. "Our children think it's great to visit their school friends at home and their friends really want to come to the children's house. There's plenty of room, space and a huge garden here."

At lunchtime, the cook cooks and in the evening they cook together. In between, they play games together, go on excursions, occasionally do the housework together or have a visit from their parents. "The only thing that's different here than at home is that we take a siesta," says Grünenfelder, laughing. The children are also allowed to go shopping. "If they want to buy something, they get pocket money." All children have pocket money when they start kindergarten, and they can take it with them if they want.

"Every child has individual contact with their parents"

The cooperation between parents, child and Kinderhaus varies. For some children, the parents visit regularly, while other children are allowed to go home for the weekend and for others, no contact with the parents is possible. "Depending on the reason for placement, each individual child has regular contact with their parents," says Grünenfelder.

However, not all problems are solved with a placement. "The aim is to work towards the child being able to go home again at some point," explains Grünenfelder.

They never tire of approaching the parents and inviting them to a regular discussion. In general, a lot of time is invested in working with parents. "We don't judge. Our basic attitude is that all parents are as good parents as they can be right now. At the same time, parents have to work on their individual issues, as ultimately the well-being and protection of the children is the top priority," says Grünenfelder.

Working together is often not easy at the beginning. But there are also many parents who later report positively about the Inselhof and end up thanking us for our persistence and humanity.

But working in a children's home is not always easy: "It doesn't leave you untouched. It keeps you busy. It also hurts sometimes," says Grünenfelder. "I was always told that if you work in a place like this, you need to have thick skin and be able to set yourself apart. However, the real challenge is to remain emotionally receptive and at the same time always have the necessary distance to be able to work professionally."

No more contact

Roman Keller* knows what it's like to grow up in a children's home. When he turned 11, his two brothers were sent to a children's home in the canton of Zurich. "For family reasons," explains the now 23-year-old.

The parents argued, divorced and eventually lost custody. The child and adult protection authority (KESB) removes the siblings from the family. "In the beginning, it was very unusual to be away from home," recalls Keller. "I missed my parents and didn't understand why we were here now."

He likes to talk about his time in the home, but less about his parents. During his early days in the home, his father came to visit regularly. At weekends, Keller stayed overnight with him from time to time. But when he turned 18, he realized that the contact wasn't doing him any good and eventually broke it off. He still has no contact with his parents today. "That's a good thing," he says.

Not a taboo subject at school

Everyday life at the home is structured: school, hobbies, homework, plus weekly tasks and chores such as cooking or laundry. But Keller quickly gets used to this life. "It's regulated, I have people who look out for me and look after me. That wasn't possible at home."

Friends from school are allowed to visit him at the home, and overnight stays are possible by arrangement. The fact that he lives in the home is not a taboo subject at school. "My school friends were very surprised about what it was like to grow up in the home. But they always liked coming to visit because we had so many opportunities to play here," he says.

"Growing up in a home at 16 or 17 can be critical"

But it wasn't always that easy. "Growing up in a home can be very strict, especially when you're 16 or 17," says Keller. "You always have to be at home at the same time, always arrive on time for dinner and take part in everything." When you turn 18, you have a lot more opportunities and freedom.

And although the social workers take care of him, he sometimes lacks a permanent caregiver. "They're still 'just' social workers," he explains. "They also change all the time. That's why it's almost impossible to build a strong bond with them - also because of the distance that is maintained." Nevertheless, there was always someone there to comfort him. "I had to learn to grow up early. You take on a lot of responsibility at a young age. I used to find that annoying - now it helps me."

Nevertheless, he is glad that he grew up in a children's home. "I mean, it's stupid when you don't live with your parents. But I don't want to blame that on the home. They do their best there to make sure people are well."

The past shapes the future

He has particularly fond memories of the opportunities that the home offered him: schooling, support with housework and help with finding an apprenticeship. "I strongly believe that I would not have found or completed an apprenticeship if I had lived with my parents," he is convinced.

But he also enjoyed the leisure activities such as ski camps and trips to Europapark, for example. "That was a big event for me, and I always looked forward to it," he says.

Life in the home left its mark on Keller. "It's not a bad thing," he emphasizes. "And the social workers aren't bad people either, they only want the best for us." He lived in the home for almost 12 years and has been living in his own apartment since this year.

He is also professionally drawn in a social direction. He is currently completing an internship in a daycare center and is planning to study in a field where he can help people. "That has something to do with my past," he says.

*Name changed.